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On 15th February 2006, Naughty Nick sets off from Heathrow on a trip down under. Itinerary is shown below and I will attempt to update with pics etc as the trip progresses.

All times are local time unless otherwise specified. As I understand it, the Philippines, Malaysia and Western Australia are 8 hours ahead of GMT, Eastern Australia is 10/11 hours ahead and New Zealand 13 hours ahead.

Final Total Distance Flown: 46821km on 12 flights. Last Amended: Thu 23 Mar 2006 22:18:34 GMT


Tue 14th Feb Said farewell to folks at the Malt and then dropped by at my favourite Turkish, Delilah, to say goodbye to the guys there.
Wed 15th Feb Depart Heathrow at 11:00 on 12:40 hour flight to Singapore. Plane was a 747-400 - Was blown away to find that there was WiFi on board - on a free trial no less. Was able to IM the guys at work from about 9,500m over the Black Sea!!
Thu 16th Feb Arrived in Singapore ahead of schedule at about 07:10. Have found free Internet access via plug in connection in the airport - it's just too good. Depart Singapore at 09:45 on 3:25 hour flight to Manila, arrival time 13:10. Met up with brother Alex and his soon-to-be wife Catherine at the airport, Traffic in Manila terrible, eventually got to Subic Bay at about 18:00 and booked in to the Subic International Hotel. Not bad for around £25 per night!!

Hotel has a bar in one of the blocks called Videoke - you can sing along as you drink. Not a lot more to choose from locally so went there. Full of very young-looking local girls who may have been rather older then they looked. Was offered some female company at my table but politely declined, turns out that bar had private rooms out the back with sofas in, hmm wonder what all that is about ;-) Decided not to investigate further at this early stage... Went out to dinner in a Sea Food place on the front and called home, spoke with dad and arranged details of meeting up with mum at Manila airport on Sat. Staggered back to room with the remainder of a bottle of white wine.
Fri 17th Feb Woke up fine at about 7, but figured should get more sleep to get the body clock back to normal. Bad idea cos fell into a deep sleep until woken by call from bro at about 13:00. Met with bro on the sea front, then went to buy a suit for the wedding. Gonna cost about £80 if I need it made by Monday but doesn't seem too bad. Having to use GPRS modem from hotel room, worked ok after I turned off 3G option.

In the evening went to a Japanese restaurant. They had Shochu on the menu, some kind of Sake like drink. Problem was that it was only on the menu by the bottle so it seemed rude not to order one. Served with hot water, certainly puts hairs on your chest. Staggered back to hotel with just over a third of a bottle left :o) Lloydy and Mary - best put the kettle on for when I arrive in NZ!!
Sat 18th Feb Spent the day in a cab travelling to Manila to meet Mum. Was driven by girl called Bot, her friend Beth who is Japanese came along for the ride. Discussed the rice fields which were all around on the journey to Manila, Beth was very knowlegeable on the subject of rice growing etc. so learned all about it. Traffic in Manila still bad - say no more, took 3½ hours there and about 3 hours on the way back.

In the evening went back to the Sea food restaurant on the front. Alex had the presence of mind to bring along a decent Spanish Red wine as they wanted the equivalent of £20 or so for their cheapest Red. Naturally offered to pay corkage and at about £3.50 plus £11 for the wine turned out much better. Wine was good, plus had mum's help, so none to carry home.

Went with bro and Catherine to meet up with the guy doing the flowers for the wedding, he also works as a manager in a club called Zimbals. Met up with the main manager Jasmine who was very nice. Was having a laugh with Jasmine and she asked whether I would like to try a blow job? Well we had blow jobs all round of course (that's Grenadine, Baileys, Vodka, set on fire, drank through a straw being careful not to set anything on fire). Well what did you think? Jasmine will be at the wedding reception...
Sun 19th Feb Went to church for confessions and the rehearsal. Catherine's confessions took a while, Alex was in and out (as it happens he wasn't allowed any confessions, not being a Catholic!!) Some time later we practised the ceremony, I am taking the place of dad, glad mum made it so that I have some moral support!!

Went for a walk and then to a beach bar to practice for the reception... Had a Mexican meal for dinner - Bro had a reasonably early night, mum and myself went for a walk along the beach front and ended up having a couple O brandies while listening to live music at a beach bar.
Mon 20th Feb Went for a run first thing (about 7:45), did some cultural stuff with my Mum later on - visited local museum which chronicals the history of the Philippines and the various countries that have occupied them. Sorry guys not nearly naughty enough but need to try...

Went to the gym at the Marina with Mum and Bro - he's now dropped Cathy off for the pre wedding night apart. Wicked swimming pool, but pool bar not operational :-( Finished at gym and went to Marina bar - Ahh that's more like it. In the evening went for an Indian, then sat outside a cafe with coffee, brandy and genuine Manila cigars.
Tue 21st Feb The big day!! Went to church at 9am, waited around getting hot until the wedding kick off at about 10. Brilliant ceremony - went on for a couple of hours, bro and Cathy had to read out a fair bit during the proceedings. At the end of the service, they stopped to allow all photos to be taken at the alter. Finished with procession out.

Went from church to reception - I had to drive Alex' car, had new mother in law and youngest of her sons Victor as guides, but was amazed to find that they didn't know how to get home :-( Eventually found our way arriving somewhat later that the rest of the clan.

Much drinking and Videoke later (machine scored singing and my drunken rendition of Day Dream Believer scored 99%)...

Left with the happy couple at 6ish, was a little early for me so went down to the live music beach bar for a couple. Only had about 6 beers, but it ended up being about 1am before I got back. Managed to get a couple of numbers, 1 from a young waitress, another from a bird with 2 blokes who kept giving me the eye. Turns out they were only friends which was lucky cos they were considerably bigger than me!!
Wed 22nd Feb Slept off hangover until 9:30. Left Subic Bay with my mum at 12:00 and we were surprised to find that the new mother in law and a few members of the new family had elected to come along and see us off. Considering that it's a 3:30 hour drive each way, was most flattering!! Nearly checked my bags onto the London flight along with my mum's but managed to correct this potential disaster just in the nick of time. Departed Manila at 18:15 on 3:30 hour flight which arrived on schedule back in Singapore at 21:45.
Thu 23rd Feb Departed Singapore at 00:05 on 7:35 hour flight, arrived in Brisbane at 9:40. Took the opportunity to do some updates on this site, but not sure when they will find their way online. I plan to try to get online later if possible. Departed Brisbane at 17:00, arrived Christchurch at 23:20.

Guv from Malt is in NZ with Mary, visiting his Dad. Lloydy and Mary were awaiting my arrival at Christchurch, thankfully in a car, not the bike... Went back to Lloydy's dad Alec's place in Orari on the East Coast, had a couple of Whiskies and then crashed for the night.
Fri 24th Feb As you may have noticed I didn't manage to keep the site updated with my progress around NZ, we were travelling around and there just wasn't time between meeting people and having fun. On Friday afternoon we went down to Timaro where we met Lloydy's sis Diana and her hubby John.

Went down to their local club, met with a few of their friends and downed a jug of Spates or 2. Dined upstairs in the club restaurant, and travelled back to Diana and John's place on the beer bus.
Sat 25th Feb Got online briefly to look at a system problem, GPRS ok but apparently no 3G yet in this part of NZ. Went out siteseeing in Caroline Bay and then shopping in Timaro where my Visa card got swallowed by and ATM at ANZ bank. Hmm... Had a few more jugs of Spates in a couple of Bars there and decided that John should drop the car home.

Back to the club for a few bottles of red and a bite to eat. Beer bus back to Diana and John's for the night.
Sun 26th Feb Started on our travels south down the middle of the South Island, passing through Fairlie, Lake Tekapo, Lake Pukaki, Omarama and to Wanaka. There was some fantastic scenery on the way, in Wanaka we booked into to Motel declining the receptionist's offer of sharing a room for 3!!

Found a couple of bars and started on the Red. There were some girls drinking a Red Cocktail so enquired about this, they didn't know the ingredients but suggested a quick fuck, so ending up having quick fucks all round. (This was Baileys, Midori and Kalula of course).

Somehow got ourselves back to the Motel, thanks to Mary!
Mon 27th Feb Set off further South, stopping in Arrowtown to pick up some beautiful souveniers for the Shelf of Shite in the Malt. Went on down to Queenstown where we has a ride up the mountain on the Gondolas and a go on the Luge carts.

Carried on down south through Kingston to Winton. Here we visited the wrong house but then found what we were pretty sure was Lloydy's old biking chum Bugsy's house. A big guy with a beard appeared carrying a case of Spates so figured we were in the right place. His wife Sonia arrived home soon after.

Decided that a visit to the local hostelry was in order before dinner and Jeff Jukes turned up to meet us there. After a few jugs of Spates went back to Sonia and Bugsy's for dinner, Jeff's wife was there and son Vere (no not Beer as we thought!)

Sonia's homebrew Rum was something else...
Tue 28th Feb Big journey back up north passing through Gore, Alexandria, stopping and the Clyde Dam. Then to a bar in Chatto Creek for a swift Spates, and on to Becks where Rellies Helen and George live. Had a look around the farm and saw the deer dehorning in progress (Mary missed this as she was busy chatting with Helen and sipping on 8% cider).

Finally got away after a very pleasant afternoon on the veranda, finishing off with a port. Travelled east to the coast at Palmerston then turned North to SHAG POINT (where we didn't stop off for a Shag), on to Moeraki (where we did stop off to look at the boulders, strange spherical rocks that are being uncovered from the cliff face there).

On north up the East coast through Oamaru, Timaro and finally back to Orari for a couple of red wines before a well earned rest.
Wed 1st Mar Went back to ANZ bank in Timaro where I managed to retrieve my card. Drove to Christchurch for flight at 15:30 to Brisbane, had a quick farewell drink in the bar with Lloydy and Mary. Flight arrived in Brisbane at 16:15. Found my way via the shuttle train to the domestic terminal. Departed Brisbane at 18:00 and arrived in Sydney at 20:30, turns out that this is a 1:30 hour flight but crosses to a new timezone.

Was lucky to find the travellers services just closing and a very helpful woman there booked me into the Formule 1 motel in Kings Cross. Got there by cab and checked in. Went out to find some bars and was pleased to see that this Kings Cross comes complete with hookers on the street corners.

3 bars later decided to retire.
Thu 2nd Mar Wandered down towards the harbour, round Wooloomooloo Bay (who named that one??), through the Royal Botanic Gardens - where, glancing to my left, caught my first glimpse of Sydney Opera House through the trees - cool. Wandered down to Mrs Macquaries Point where you get a great view of the Opera House and the bridge.

Looked around the Opera House from the outside, didn't take the tour. There were some items in the gift shop worthy of the Shelf of Shite, but over the allowed price range. Found a bar and sampled an Asahi or two. Bar had a layer of ice on it - literally coool!. In the evening walked past the Wok On In and dined in the Thai Me Up. Despite looking around, never saw Spank Me ;-)
Fri 3rd Mar Today wandered over to the West to Cockle Bay and Darling Harbour. Then made my way towards the Harbour Bridge. Walked across the bridge - it's quite some structure. Took the tour up the South East tower - this is a bargain at only $8.50 and offers an interesting insight into the construction of the bridge. Also great views from the top. Decided against the bridge climb, quite pricey and I'd imagine quite scarey!!

Had a look at the hinges at the very base of the bridge, they massive. Tried undoing one of the nuts but didn't have a big enough spanner... Back to the bar with ice on it, where I sat looking out at the Harbour Bridge. Very pleasant.
Sat 4th Mar Today is Mardi Gras so probably just as well to bail out, not too sure about attending as a single male!! Departed from Sydney at 12:40 on flight to Perth, flight time about 4:30 hours going to new timezone back 3 hours. Arrived in early at about 14:10. Went to hire a car and discovered that it's a long weekend and thus should probably have prebooked. In any case managed to hire a Mitsubishi Magna with all mod cons, air con, cruise control etc. Great to drive although not too cheap.

Drove down past Bunbury and Busselton to Metricup and met up with Jay and Roly. Jay used to work at the Malt for a few months last year. Journey too about 3:15 hours and although was quite lucky to find my way in the right direction, was pretty uneventful. On arrival had a beer thrust into my hand and Jay and Roly had some friends and work colleagues from the Chocolate Factory over for a few drinks and a bite to eat. Very pleasant.
Sun 5th Mar Didn't get up at 4am to help with the milking - left that in Roly's capable hands! Another really hot day, went to take a look around Lake Cave, the Chocolate Factory where Jay works, also a Lavender Farm where we sampled several Lavander wines - Mmm mmm. Went home with a Sparkling Shiraz and a White Lavander Port.

Went and saw the milking - all very high tech, cows go onto a big rotating platform, a computer monitors milk from each cow etc etc. Had enough of that so cracked open a beer and headed off to the beach for a swim. In the evening went out on the back of the Ute to fish for Marron in one of Roly's dams. Chased some roos on the way but they got away - didn't spill a drop of my beer :-) Didn't catch any big enough so left the nets for the morning and went back to crack open the sparkling Shiraz from the Lavender place, Roly bet me 10 bucks that I couldn't knock down one of Jay's stubby holders from her display. Wrong! Right on target, cost Roly 10 bucks worth of beer tomorrow...
Mon 6th Mar Awoke with a slightly sore head but another beautiful day, 3 big Marron in the sink in the utility room, not sure who jumped the most when I walked in, them or me! Not only had Roly done the milking but he'd been back to the Dam to pull in the nets!

Sampled a few wines at one of the many local wineries. Lunched at the Brewery - their beer is brewed on site, sampled a few, the strongest being 7% or so! Went for another swim in the sea in the afternoon. Marron for supper - with a few more beers to wash them down.
Tue 7th Mar Went for a drive in the Magna, down to Margaret River, to Hamlin Bay and then back up caves road to Busselton. Visited a bottle shop to replenish the drinks cabinet.

Few beers out on the terrace, tried to photograph the Roos, but they hopped off whenever I started to walk towards them. Jay cooked up roast lamb for dinner, but her mum told her to also make an egg and bacon pie as it's a typical Aussie dish. Suffice it to say that I ended up full!
Wed 8th Mar Jay had booked a sightseeing flight in a light aircraft for first thing. Trip was brilliant - took a fair few photos and saw Jay at the farm as she was going to work. Said my farewells and then started out on the journey back to Perth. Stopped off at Mandurah on the way which seemed quite a posh place.

Arrived in Perth and drove around until I managed to find Kings Park which Jay had said was worth a visit. She wasn't wrong - it's a cool place, after taking a walk around the park decided to get online, I'm sitting in the car overlooking Perth Estuary as I write this. Will soon be making my way to the airport to drop off the car and make my way to the bar to prepare for flight to Singapore.

Got to airport *miles* too early at about 18:00. Had a few VBs and then came over very tired... Met a lovely Kiwi girl called Lucy who was on her way to Thailand via Singapore. Hoping to keep in touch...
Thu 9th Mar Finally departed Perth at 01:55 on 5:15 hour flight to Singapore which arrived at about 07:10. Said farewell to Lucy and departed Singapore at 08:05, arrived in Penang at 09:20. Long lost friend Naughty Tommy Boy was there in full away strip to meet me with his mate Raj in the official Naughty Boy Limo. Drove from the airport to Tommy's place in Batu Ferringhi. Eventually managed to get an Internet connection from Tommy's 10th floor flat and update this.

Went for a swim in the pool in the afternoon. In the evening visited a couple of the local bars for a beer or 2. Prices *very* good - about half the price of the UK so saving a fortune!
Fri 10th Mar Slight hangover!! Swim and sunbathing helped somewhat. Got curry from Nasi Kandar for dinner - massive meal was about 70p each, it was loverly. In the evening went into Georgetown to Level One in the official NBOF limo.

Level One had been modified to become a temporary NBOF clubhouse for the evening. Photos show NBOF darts board, Pool Table, bar and toilets... I was made most welcome, unfortunately there was a Carlsberg promo on there so it was about 6 pounds for a bucket of 6 beers. After drinking a beer or 2, was presented with a NBOF cake.

Many thanks to Tommy and Adrian - the owner for arranging everything, I had a great birthday. At leaving time experienced the Penang rain, thunder and lightning. That's not a storm, *this* is a storm ;-)
Sat 11th Mar Swim helped with hangover. Managed to connect to WiFi in Internet cafe so have uploaded some pics from 21st February and 10th March.
Sun 12th Mar Another quietish day, in evening had a beer or 3 with wicked indian in the open air! It's not often that you can do *that* in England. In evening Lufi not well so beered it up with a couple of mates of Naughty Tom's, Temporary Naughty Pete and his mate Benny. Vaguely recall the stagger back to the flat.
Mon 13th Mar Awoke with a sore head again ;-) Yuk last day of hols, did swimming stuff to melt the hangover and catch some rays. Thai for dinner with usual complement of Tigers.
Tue 14th Mar Up at 07:00 to get on my way. Departed Penang at 10:30 having done the duty free stuff. Arrived back in Singapore again at about 11:55. Departed Singapore at 12:40 on 14:05 hour flight back to Heathrow, currently on the plane over Russia and connecting to Internet via the on board WiFi. Currently forecast to land back in blighty at about 18:00 ahead of schedule if we can make it...

A week later I've finally got around to completing this - did indeed land ahead of schedule. Was met by my Mum who had kindly agreed to collect me. Made it to the NBOF clubhouse for a few english beers as is traditional after a trip abroad!!

Last Amended: Thu 23 Mar 2006 22:18:34 GMT